R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
