So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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