so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
