I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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