I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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