Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
