I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
