so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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