I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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