Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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