Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
BRING THE BAGELS
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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