Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
