Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
