Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
