i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
