Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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