these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
