Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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