You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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