so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just found puke in my bra..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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