How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
