I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My vagina is officially offended.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
