i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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