yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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