Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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