You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
