I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
