don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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