One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
