i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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