belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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