the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
