Your dad touched me again.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
