thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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