don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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