M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
