Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
