I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
