i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
