May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You're breaking my sexual little heart
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
