highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize