After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
