u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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