If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
