he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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