You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
