Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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