Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
