I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
