so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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