ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
