So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
