How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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