It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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