3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
