it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
