If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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