is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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