The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
