My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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