Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
