Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize