The maid of honor just puked.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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