PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
