Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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